WHO AM I?
I've been many people. Here are some:
• THE CONFORMIST: The ‘me’ of younger years. That benign, conventional and not intimidating person I was who was eager to please and had an innate fondness for others. Not so keen to engage him these days.
• THE AMBITIOUS PERSON: The me who emerged in my late teens and developed a lust for success with a desire to change things for the better. Still lurks around but battered by compromise, hard realities and failure.
• THE LEADER: The me who liked to be at the centre of things, having a vision and hoping to encourage those around me to improve themselves. I like this person and feel comfortable in his skin. He still waits for the chance to fulfil himself.
• THE INTELLECTUAL: A more recent development during years of solitude. Not a serious contender really for any real me, just someone to be while waiting for the tide to turn. Starved of a context in any case, apart from the university years.
• THE ARTIST: The me it has taken so long to become but ultimately my truest character probably. Everything feels right when he is playing out his role. So much can be explained with reference to this character.
• THE SPIRITUAL PERSON: The peaceful me who seems to be at the centre of all the others but who I have the most difficulty in reaching. Probably my greatest wish is to be at one with him eventually.
• THE LOVER: The troublesome me who has broken too many hearts. I am fairly at ease when he is in full flight but he is certainly not to be trusted. I have virtually no control over him and his antics are apt to backfire and leave me in a heap. Dangerous man.
• THE SOCIAL PERSON: Don’t see much of him these days but he’s still in there somewhere. Is at his best in noisy bars, at parties, and enjoys wine, women and song. Liable to join forces with The Lover and wreak havoc. Might explain why I keep him under wraps.
• THE FRIEND: Not sure about him. He’s good at making connections and gaining trust but tends to back off before too much dependency sets in.
• THE BUSINESSMAN: A false me. The one I was forced into being for years and didn’t like much but who taught me a lot about how the world works. I like to keep him at hand when necessary but have no desire to give him pride of place again.
• THE ROMANTIC: The me who sees life as a drama to be lived out on the stage of reality; who believes in fate and that everything is written as part of a divine plan with him in it. Is eternally disappointed.
reflections on self