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I used to think I must be some kind of great guy


relationships • 07.02.03                                                   

Used to be that women looked to men for legitimacy in the world. It was through their association with a man that they gained position. That demanded they fulfil their biological function: rearing children, creating a family environment etc., all financially supported by the man. Relationship and family life was to the woman what career was to the man. This would explain why some women seemed to be overly submissive to their men something which has thankfully diminished since feminism.

I used to be conceited enough when I was younger to think that the degree to which I was indulged by the women in my life was because I was some kind of great guy. Right! On reflection it was more to do with that traditional aspect where the man is given the role of an archetype, something for which he is quite unqualified. Loving him has less to do with what he is and more to do with what he represents - i.e. that age-old conduit through which the woman would gain her legitimacy in the world. Things have changed of course. But like most changes it is not clear cut. There will be infinite examples of the old mixed with the new. Such a state of flux will maintain for many generations.

Whenever I got the feeling I was being engaged like a conduit I found it abhorrent. It would make me run for cover. So, from this observation about women I come back to my own case and that my requirement seems to call out to a finer essence. I need a relationship of equality, of independence. My ‘other’ would have to engage me less out of need and more from a reciprocal sense. If there is anything that can be reasonably described as true relationship it would have to be something of this order.